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My dog caught on fire

Discuss. About Battlefield. 1942 of course.

My dog caught on fire

Postby JawBreaker » Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:36 am


Hi again everybody ..

This is JB, broadcasting live from The Motor City .. many, many miles away from where I was born .. where, oddly, rock and roll was also birthed.

I have been away from The Grandaddy of Them All for quite a while now as Hillbillyninja and I attempt to win World War I single handedly. OK, double handedly, there's two of us.

Well, one way or the other ..


Battlefield V

Again, returning to World War II

The beta was released for all of us to play this weekend and ..

It Blows.


The game sucks ass.

Sad. True. We kind of expected this.

It's different people now designing the game. It's a different generation at DICE.

Battlefield 1942 will never be matched.

And that's why .. for the next couple weeks at least .. I will be returning to BF42. Mostly on the aX server.

I have not played since May.

JB .. I don't give a fuck. Wha? .. who cares? Hold on, hear me out

Now, one of the reasons I left BF42 was to get ready for the new game that is coming out. For those of you just tuning in, I used to review games for a living. I wrote the cover story for PC Gamer and .. so much more. Big fucking deal. EXCEPT. I had contacts from back then at EA. And, as I said many times on the server, I had advance information that the next Battlefield was going to go back to World War II. Those sources were proven correct.

Now, this weekend, we got a first full look at the beta .. and got to play it ...


Like .. in ways I cannot explain.

It took me about six minutes to hit "Quit"



as in:




I am here to tell you people ... the game you play everyday .. is a FAR FAR superior product to what will come out in November for Electronic Arts depicting World War II.

They are all in to: Overwatch and Battle Royale and loot boxes and .. for lack of a better term: "Call of Duty".

They totally forgot that Battlefield founded the entire circumstance and the entire genre. And the game you play is



Everything else is just a cheap imitation ... a sequel

IN Bf:V, they lost the GRAND SCOPE ... the grand sweeping encompassing experience of the world's greatest conflict. And, instead, they smashed in to the tiny little closed minded Call of Duty experience of me vs you. Who gives a shit, honestly? Millions upon millions died on many fronts. And you make World War II about me being faster on the trigger? Really?

That's Call of Duty shit. And Overwatch. And PUBG.

They forgot who they are .. the granddaddy who invented the genre.

Instead of leading, they followed.

And that is BF:V





They forgot who they work for and what they do. This generation of programmers and management at Electronic Arts is much more interested in making money than making art. They didn't trailblaze a goddamn thing other than how to line your pockets with cash.

Except they forgot:

How many sequels has EA put out to BF42?

How many sequels has Activision put out to "Call of Duty"?

If you would add up ... alllll ... of the sequels to BF42 ... for both companies .. how much money would that come out to?

Well, my friends, it was founded RIGHT .. HERE .. with this game .. Battlefield 1942

It's sad.

They followed when they should have led.

They forgot who they were.

They thought about the paycheck instead of making art.

But .. it's over. It's over. They did what they did and it's over.

They blew it.

Wall Street knows it ...

Their stock took a HUGE hit when pre-orders tanked

The gaming media press knows it ..

Reaction has been poor .. or midland to the beta ..

And they pushed the release six weeks.

This shit is collapsing before your very eyes.

In the fall of 2018 ... Electronic Arts deals with the rapture. The reckoning. To their design decisions.

Dudes, you failed. The millennial shitheads you put in power ... yeah, it failed. They forgot to lead instead of follow.

You forgot:


You don't follow Overwatch

You don't copy Player Unknown Battlefground

You're FUCKING Battlefield, asshole

And Battlefield 1942 started it all.

Version One point Oh
secret message .. I will ask .. APE .. rolle goritz .. Evil Teddy ... and the MEN I consider "part of the guys: to join me and hily in BF1 ... invitation only five to a squad ... I will deem one colonel to command below me to make his own squad .. and four from invitation to join me and hilly ... to be labeled "BF42VETS" three will be invited .. on the server for two weeks to invite these three"

This .. this game .. is a cultural touch point. Like Sgt. Peppers. Like Dark Side of the Moon.

We play this game to keep alive history of our culture.

The history of the world's culture.

The history of MODERN culture.

... Alright .. alright .. what's your fucking point, JB? ...

I wrote this very long for a reason ..

If you made it this far ..

You're one in 20.

I'm gonna be cruising for a piece of ass in the next coupe weeks in this servers and over on Simple too.

Usually, I leave this to Hillbillyninja. He's much better at this than me. Hilly is the Bill Clinton of BF42. World champion ass cruiser.

Poon hound. Has the smell in his nose .. can't get away from it.

But, being around him for over a decade now, he's taught me a few tricks.

Perhaps ..

Perhaps ..

the time is right for the BF42 community to move in to BF1 with swift and terrible force.

Here's why I say it:

BFV will suck most of the cheaters and hackers .. the latest the greatest

BFV will suck the glitchers and the moddders and the cheesers ... it's the latest and greatest

BF1 will be left with a PURE circumstance come Christmas of 2o18




Minimal cheaters

Maximum fun

So, listen closely:

No ... listen closely ...

real close:

Many of you know me as 27 years as a disc jockey on the radio in Cleveland, Ohio

Others know me as Editor-in-Chief and founder of the print magazine "On the Green" that has to do with golf

Still others have read my articles for decades on PC Gamer and as General Manager of the GA Sports Network for the sixth largest Internet company on the world in eUniverse

Gaming dudes know me as the founder and Commanding Officer of Steal Rage, the clan that went UBNDEFEATED and won the second season of CAL

Others as COMMANDING OFFICER of the 245 person massive clan "Reverence" that won the 3FL Championship

Still others as the founder and COMMANDING OFFICER of "First Army" holder of the number one rank on TWL for 33 consecutive weeks on their ladder

But ..

The most important position I have ever held is:

Friend of Hillbillyninja

If you are an enemy of Hillbillyninja .. you are an enemy of JawBreaker

And we will crush your pitiful shithead ass.

Good, bad, wrong, right, convicted felon serving time:

Hillbillyninja is my friend

You cross him

You cross me

End of statement

There is no negotiation

I don't give a shit if he is wrong.

He has my allegiance until the END .. OF .. TIME


That being said ..

Perhaps ..


I will cruise for a piece of ass on the aX and Simple servers for the next two weeks.

To bring you to BF1 ... in an elite squad .. with me and Hilly

Because BFV sucks so bad.

Now is the right time.

I deem it.

If you think I am wrong, talk to Hillbillyninja .. he's the only person I respect and listen to.

Hilly is a great man. More than you people know.

Because I said so.

Because I support him.

I don't really give a fuck about your opinion.

What have you done with your life compared to mine?

Yeah, I thought so.

Hilly is a great man.

Show him some goddamn respect.

I don't give a shit what you say to me.

My ego can handle it.

You see Hilly .. you show him goddamn straight up PLATINUM respect.

I hear otherwise .. you'll have JawBreaker to deal with. Do you really want that?

We've reached that point in our society .. there are shitheads and there are kings.

Hillbillyninja has Lancelot with his sword.

Do you actually, REALLY, want to take on JawBreaker?

That shit will be a major blow to your ego.

You may want to commit suicide when it is over.

My advice is: just avoid it.

It's just a video game.

So... you lost to power.

Don't actually kill yourself.

Suck air, taste it's flavor

So you're not that good.

It's just a video game.

See other thread for the point of this thread.

This is the manual.

Above is the cliff notes.

9-9-2018 835 Eastern





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